A decent proposal: HR benefits should include feces-throwing monkeys

HR benefits should include feces-throwing monkeys. Yes, There I said it.  Think about it.

As i walked through the city streets of New York for one last time before heading out on my cross-country trip and move, i overhead countless conversations of where people were talking about how insufferable their work place was. People were talking about horrible management, tedious and arrogant co-workers and long-dragging hours. I overheard these conversations just as people were about to hit the bars on a Friday night.  People were getting ready to drown their sorrows.

People feel put upon in the workplace these days because many are throwing “shade” left and right in the workplace and they act as if they are monkeys throwing feces around. If this is to be the case, then why not just negotiate upon hire getting a monkey or two that will help throw the feces around instead of you having to deal with it. Seriously it totally makes sense.

Would we not be more relaxed if we didn’t have to deal with people’s craziness?  Would we not be happier if we could just send a flying monkey to our boss’ office and coat the wall. Ah, to dream of a simpler worklife. We wouldn’t need to hit the bars as often after work. We certainly wouldn’t need venting sessions.

Although, we most certainly should make sure that we allow our monkeys plenty of breaks and feed them quite well. Feces-throwing can be quite exhausting as well as an all-day endeavor in the workplace.  We may have to put together monkey playdates and maybe even enroll them in some sports leagues.  Of course, before we know it, we will become soccer moms to feces-throwing monkeys making it our daily endeavor to ease their lives and never get a free moment of our own.

Perhaps we should throw our own shade or try to be nice. That may work. For a while it might work.