The last five weeks have been a bit surreal for me to the point that at times I feel like I am in the television show Lost. I now shuffle between San Francisco and New York; flying out every two weeks or so to my home of the past six years to return to my temporary 200 Square foot apartment.
The fact that New York and San Francisco are three hours apart adds to my fractured sense of being. Every day I wake up and automatically catch the time in two time zones. Throughout the day, I have to think in terms of two sets of time zones. I have to catch my little boy before he goes to sleep out east while still running business meetings out west.
I no longer really catch live television shows as I hate the fact that most west coast shows are three hours behind anything that occurred live out east. I no longer catch my favorite morning news programs for what is the point of watching recorded news shows?
When I fly back out east I am up way too late and it takes forever for me to wake up in the morning. This is particularly hard for me considering that I am by nature a morning person. Of course, the fact that I am getting up at 8am would still be way too early for most other people. However, for me, that is a couple of hours later than usual for me. I am being thrown way off balance.
I have three more months or so of this limbo. I can’t even imagine what it will feel like to finally live, in my head, in one time zone. Although, I must note that the last time I lived in California I still had a sense of living in multiple time zones as so much of the United States inner workings are on east coast time. Most bi-coastal business meetings are set to east coast time; thus you often are set to thinking in terms of what “time is it over there?”
The time zone difference isn’t my only sense of limbo. I come home and I can have my favorite coffee in my favorite coffee cup. Back in San Francisco I don’t get to enjoy my coffee as much as I don’t have my favorite cup nor favorite coffee grounds and machine. It may sound odd to admit, but the lack of my favorite coffee leaves a bit of a void in my being. I feel unsettled. That would be the world for it.
I am a Taurus and we like roots. We are stubborn and methodical. My living in limbo throws that all off a bit. I checked out my horoscope this morning just for the fun of it. My mother would check out her horoscope every day and every Sunday she would watch the Walter Mercado astrology show. Thus, I grew up with a sense of abstract fate. However, I didn’t much subscribe to her sense of horoscope living. Today, with her photo staring at me, I decided to check it out. In one such site it said that I needed to “stick to big-picturing thinking today”. I suppose that is wise advice. I may feel in limbo but this shall pass. I am also in limbo in order to make big changes in my life. I am changing jobs, homes and essentially my future. It takes time for that sense of being unsettled to go away when so many big picture things are changing in my life.
Another horoscope site noted “Today, Taurus, you’re likely to undertake some seemingly urgent decorating projects in order to get your home in tip-top shape.” Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Well, I suppose I am looking around my house thinking about how we are going to get this all cross-country and how we are going to “stage” the house so that a buyer gives up us our asking price. This sense of looking about the house and staging it just makes me realize that I have too many things up in the air.
As I sat for a quiet minute this morning, before my son and I stated how much we miss each other, I started singing a song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yes, I was singing the “Time Warp” song.
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
All this time warp and limbo is making sleepy. Time for a nap.