Happy wacky holidays to all and to all a good week. Apparently, because there is ostensibly one less week of holiday shopping –you know that sacrilegious time between thanksgiving and Christmas-people must rush to the stores on thanksgiving day to get those big screen televisions that are likely to break the day after the one-year warranty runs out. You know it’s true. Also, Hanukkah started off the night before thanksgiving, lending itself to the Thanksgivukkah phenomenon. This further has been in a holiday daze. So much so that people do not know whether to get in line for nine hours to save $20 or wait until Monday when they can order all sorts of weird things with no cashier judgment. Consider that part of the black Friday shopping experience may entail getting shot in the leg, I vote for online shopping.
1. Karma: It’s what is for dinner in the shape of a gun. In the United States, if you decide to just randomly punch someone out, you better watch out. You never know who has a gun on them these days in the good old USA. Should that very thought act as a deterrent. Not so much for many. In Michigan, 17 year old Michael Weaver was playing his version of the knockout game, using a stun gun. He went up to a dude who was dropping his daughter off at school, and tried to stun him. Unfortunately, for Weaver, the stunned due had a gun and he used it. Weaver lived to regret his actions of that day and we got to share this story of retribution. Out west, in Seattle a store clerk faced a situation that unfortunately appears to be a real fear for many in that position: he was being robbed at gun point on the job. What he did next was funny yet maybe not too smart. Yet, it all worked out in his favor. He stared the robbers down and stated “my gun is bigger” and proceeded to reach under the counter. Thing is he had no gun. But the robbers didn’t know that and they ran like the wind. Imaginary guns pack a lot of heat. If you think guys get to have all the fun with karma, check out what this deer did. So, a hunter by the name of Nick Faber shot a deer dead, as hunters are wont to do. As he approached his kill, he got a good dose of fear factor in the form of a faking deer. Deer have a wicked sense of humor these days . In terms of karma, perhaps no good deed goes unpunished. In Alabama a man walked into a Dollar Store that appeared to be in the middle of being robbed. He did what any other person in the US would do. He pulled out his gun and shot the guy. Apparently, the robber had a gun to someone’s head, but the family of the robber said it was not the “good Samaritan’s” place to shoot the robber. See, although the robber was pointing a gun to someone’s head the “Good Samaritan” himself was not the one in danger. The family noted to the good Samaritan “You should have just left the store and went wherever you had to go in your car or whatever .“ Think before you act. Luck is a boomerang.
2. Clumsy food shop visitors. In New Jersey stood an open frozen yogurt shop that must have been happy to hear a customer enter the store deep in the heart of November. But lo and behold this was no paying customer. A deer just sauntered his way craving a little fro-yo. I personally love ice cream sandwiches in the winter. They are so much tastier in cold, cold weather. In the not so cold state of Florida, there was a robber that was all sorts of clumsy. So much so, that he dropped the beers he had just stolen and tried to clean up and just kept dropping them. The funny part is that he only grabbed the beer because the clerk suggested it to the robber so that the clerk could push the silent alarm. Oh boy, that robber needs a new line of work.
3. Cheese. Who has not felt the ecstasy of eating really good cheese? Ok, there are some lactose intolerant people out there. I am sort of one. But I cannot deny myself cheese. I love cheese so much that I got pregnant. What? Non Sequitur . Ok. At the Science Gallery Dublin in Trinity College Dublin there was an exhibit of some very odd cheeses. The cheese on display were produced from human toe, armpit, belly button and mouth bacteria. Yum. Not?
4. Odd creatures. It’s been a wacky holiday week so why shouldn’t creatures get in on the fun. After all, thanksgiving is a time of great carnage. In Florida, Mark Quartiano fished himself a great odd sea creature that looks prehistoric with all sorts of barnacles. It’s a sight to catch. In something that is all sorts of wacked out, Mr. Ai Hasegawa has posted a series of odd projects he would like to engage in. His latest is to have human women incubate and deliver (give birth to) dolphins; these hybrid creatures would then be served up as a delicacy. I don’t think I need to say anything more here. Lastly, an unusual ice circle formed in a North Dakota river that had all twenty people that live there aflutter. I kid, they almost have 700,000 people which is close to the size of the dwindling city of Detroit. Anyway, back to the ice circle. There is really no creature story here, as far as I know. But the thing is, you never know.
5. Rule breakers. Some who defy rules are cool and some are just plain old dumb. Others, expect too much from certain rules. This past week several fans at sports stadiums decided to jump, slide and fall; some falling on and injuring others. Nothing bothers me more when I get hurt because other people were being stupid. Rob Hopkins, who slid down a bannister at the Bills-Jets Game was fired two days later from his job. Why, I am not too sure. On to another type of rule-breaker. Mr. Henry Earl, who has been arrested more than 1,500 times got to spend Thanksgiving in jail. Talk about being home for the holidays. His first arrest happened in 1970 and it’s all been tight jail cell spaces since then. Speaking of criminals, it seems that New York City if the motorcycle theft capital. Who knew? Iphones, sure. Sneakers, yup. Motorcycles, eh. Lastly, the sports world has been buzzing, going crazy trying to figure out why The Brooklyn Nets coach Jason Kidd spilled his water. The NBA has since fined him $50,000 for using a wacky game delay tactic. Considering the state of their game play lately, I suppose anything was fair game in trying to resurrect the Nets.
6. Cannibalism, again. Ok. If you are online shopping for meat, be careful of the website Zambian meat. I do not think it will be what you think. In Germany, a cop was arrested on suspicion of murder and cannibalism. But we should not be so shock at this. The bones found at El Sidron in 1994, have yielded some informative details about our Neanderthal friends. Scientists have apparently found the site where some Neanderthal slaughtered and ate a dozen of their friends (or they very well could be enemies). Do you remember how in 2004, GEICO began an advertising campaign featuring Neanderthal-like cavemen in a modern setting, that then inexplicably became a television show. The tv show was quickly canceled. However, maybe if it had featured the cannibalistic, instead of fuzzy-wuzzy Neanderthal image, the show could have lasted longer on AMC or the CW, perhaps.
7. Bad, disgusting Santa . A guy in a Santa suit at a Massachusetts Mall was charged with groping one of the teenage elves. This is not really wacky. It’s sick and sad. What is wacky is that I cannot get that Georgia Satellites’ song “keep your hands to yourself” out of my head. Bad santa has bummed me out.
8. Fashionable goats. It’s always nice to look good before being served up at the dinner table. Apparently in Jaipur, India, goats get hooked up with some nice sweaters and scarves so that they are plump and juicy and oh, so yummy.
9. Art in all its creepiness. At a park called Haw Par Villa In Singapore, you can’t chew gum but you can sure get an eyeful of some eyebrow raising sculpture. For example, you might catch a kneeling grandma breastfeeding as if she were a child. Back to the city that never sleeps. Now ubiquitous Hanksy created a piece “honoring” New York City Mayor-elect Bill DeBlasio and it is bound to give you nightmares. Those socks kill me. Check it out for sure.
10. B52s. Ok, I admit I had a Beavis and Butthead moment. When I read the headline that B52s were sent over the East China Sea and might cause chaos and I giggled for a moment. I had immediately thought of the rock band singing Love Shack and causing massive bewilderment and jerky body movements.
“The whole shack shimmies when everybody’s
Movin’ around and around and around and around
Everybody’s movin’, everybody’s groovin’, baby
Folks linin’ up outside just to get down
Everybody’s movin’, everybody’s groovin’, baby
Funky little shack
Funky little shack”
That’s it folks. Have a great week ahead and try not to drink so much that you end up waking up with your pants down, sitting on a toilet in a foreign country.