current events

Amazon, We Need to Talk: You’ve Changed (and My 2AM Brain Can’t Handle It)

By on • ( 8 Comments )


I confess that I’m an Amazon shopper. Not the kind that proudly waves Prime boxes like badges of honor. I’m more the kind that shops in bursts of insomnia-fueled curiosity. You know, those moments when it’s 2 a.m., and your brain decides that now is the perfect time to look for silicone egg poachers, a backup hair flat iron, or an oddly specific dog raincoat that your dog will probably hate.

I hate shopping in stores. Too many people. Too many lines. Too many choices that require actual walking. I’m an impatient browser and an efficiency seeker. So, yes, I let my fingers do the walking across my phone screen under the heated covers.

But lately, Amazon has been diifferent. I don’t know when it happened.  Maybe while I was sleep-shopping.  But Amazon has apparently gone luxury.

I was scrolling the other day (a.k.a. doing my version of window shopping without the window) when I saw it: A Bang & Olufsen Beosound Balance Wireless Multiroom Speaker for $3,650.00.

Excuse me?

Amazon which is the place where I once bought toilet paper, gummy vitamins, and an emergency phone charger now wants me to casually add a $3,650 speaker to my cart like it’s a box of granola bars?

It’s a little unnerving, honestly. There was a time when Amazon was all about convenience and bargains. Now it’s like walking into a fancy department store that also sells cat litter and USB cables. Imagine buying a luxury ring or diamond necklace the same way you reorder paper towels. There’s something vaguely dystopian about it. Like, “Alexa, confirm purchase of guilt-free retail therapy at 3:12 a.m.”

Also, can we talk about trust? I don’t even buy shoes online without checking the return policy twice. Who is out here buying five-figure jewelry sight unseen?

Maybe that’s the real modern thrill: online roulette for the wealthy. “Let’s see if my $5,000 ring arrives or if I just funded a mysterious vendor in the metaverse.”

Meanwhile, I’m over here debating whether my 2 a.m. purchase of a discounted “self-stirring coffee mug” was wise. (Spoiler: it was not.)

So yes, Amazon, you’ve changed. You used to be the land of random gadgets, cheap thrills, and instant gratification. Now you’re trying to be Rodeo Drive in a brown cardboard box.

It’s impressive. It’s terrifying. And for someone who sleep-shops, it’s downright dangerous.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to delete “Bang & Olufsen” from my late-night search history before my credit card catches wind of my curiosity.

Categories: current events, Pop Culture, Psychology, society

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

8 replies »

  1. Trick or Treat
    Retail Therapy
    Is Indeed Dear Miriam

    Of Course my Wife Does
    All the Retail Therapy and
    She’s Eased off TG With

    The Advent
    Of SOARING Inflation
    And Continuing Tariffs

    So far so good at Least Hehe

    It’s Really Amazing We Spend
    Less than ‘We’ Did Before

    Basically Yes It’s
    Mostly a ‘Head
    And Sales

    Game’

    Anyway Don’t get me Wrong
    Yes i’m Capable of Spending
    Like Other Dudes and Their
    Special Interests no Fishing
    or Hunting for me Yet When it
    Comes to Upgrading Technological
    Failing Devices There are Wonderful

    Deals Like that Mini-Mac For 599 Dollars
    Seeming So Cheap Until i Had to add in that
    1600 Dollar Monitor i Got on the Cheap for 1300 Dollars
    With the promise the Next Mini Mac Will Keep the Same Sight

    Yet Oh Lord
    to Upgrade to
    2 TB of Storage
    The Mini Mac
    Gained Up
    to 1399
    Dollars
    of Weight

    With An SD
    Backup Storage
    Device that Needed
    4 TB Another 200 Dollars
    And Of Course New Mouse
    Keyboard and Track Pad Not

    Included with the Mini Mac

    Dear Lord the Once 599 Dollar
    Mini Mac Deal Ended Up the Price

    Of The Amazon Speaker in Your

    Online

    Cart

    Yet It’s So Dam
    Zen Doesn’t Make
    A Bit of Grinding Hard
    Drive Or Heated Processor

    Fan NOISE in the Background at all

    Not Unlike Electric ZEN Mode in Our 2023 AWD
    Honda CRV Hybrid Platinum Pearl Touring Model

    Usually Vehicles aren’t a Good Investment Yet the
    Prices of the New Ones Are Already 5 Thousand Dollars More

    Yet true
    No Quick
    Buy on
    Amazon

    Took 3 Months
    Of Haggling
    With Honda

    To Get One at all
    in Supply Chain Knots

    The Price went up in
    Just a Few months
    And they Honored
    The Previous one

    Art of the Deal for Real
    Hehe with SMiLes The Best

    Buy oF ALL though is Free For me

    -Freddy
    Free Loader
    i Skate (Dance)
    Buy Best hehe..:)

    Like

    Reply

  3. How I loved this and snorted throughout. This is so spot on! Amazon now pushes the luxury items to me. Yesterday a pair of velvet leggings (which by the way are like butter on the legs) arrived in the same box with my tub of toffee peanuts and Quest protein drinks. See you at 2 am for the next haul! Lol

    Like

    Reply

  4. I’ve been neglecting a purchase ($11), so thanks for the reminder – it’s on its way.

    I do find Amazon offers me WAY too many choices, most of them NOT what I specifically put in the search bar. I have very limited energy – it makes selecting what I need HARDER.

    But they are my publisher and book distributor for my Pride’s Children mainstream trilogy, and have been up front about things like royalties, and excellent business partners. Never a problem since 2015 that couldn’t be solved quickly and equitably. That is extremely important for an isolated author.

    Like

    Reply

I welcome your thoughts