current events

The Rising Squirrels

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So apparently, residents in San Rafael, California, are living in a real-life horror movie. Forget “Jaws.” Forget “Cujo.” The menace of the season? A rogue squirrel. Yes, a squirrel. That fluffy-tailed park mascot has gone feral and is attacking people so viciously that some have ended up in the hospital.

One woman even said, “Now it’s following us, until she almost killed me.” Killed. By a squirrel. You can’t make this up.

But honestly, I’m not even that surprised. I’ve felt the squirrel menace before. During Covid, I used to sit in the park at lunchtime, social distancing, minding my business, and the squirrels got bold. Bold in a way that only creatures in New York can. With fewer humans around, they started acting like they owned the place. And I swear, one was stalking me. Watching me. Waiting for me to drop a crumb. Or maybe just… waiting.

Yet, funny enough, the squirrels in my backyard are a whole different breed. They chase each other through the trees, happy-go-lucky, full of acorn joy. They don’t chase me. It’s like urban squirrels versus suburban squirrels are two completely different species. The New York ones? Streetwise, hustlers, willing to mug you for a granola bar. The backyard ones? They’re like woodland TikTok influencers, just vibing for their forest followers.

So maybe the California squirrel is just the West Coast version. Chill until it snaps. Like a Hollywood starlet gone rogue.

The moral of the story? Don’t underestimate squirrels. They may look cute, but in the right (or wrong) setting, they’re plotting. Watching. Maybe even following you. And if you hear rustling in the bushes, it’s probably not the wind.

Categories: current events, new york, Psychology, society

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5 replies »

  1. Killer Squirrels in the Park in San Rafael California
    The Rise of More Aggressive Squirrels in New York New York

    No Doubt It’s Associated With Advil Contamination of Peanuts

    Delivered As Such Dear Miriam

    True at some Point or another
    A Person Took an Advil and
    Delivered a Peanut Free to a Squirrel

    Fortunately Like Your Backyard in New York
    Ours Is totally Advil Free as We Don’t Hand Deliver

    Sunflower Seeds everything is Fine as Long as Bird
    Feeders Stay Full until they are empty and we Hear
    A Knock on the Window With Paw Language That Says

    We Can Do This
    The Easy Way
    (Bring on the
    Sunflower Seeds)
    OR THE HARD WAY

    Yes We Will Start Munching
    Your Flowers Again Yep Easy
    or Hard Way It’s Up to Us to Fill

    The Bird Feeders Meanwhile i told
    my Sister Who Is Also Diagnosed on
    the Autism Spectrum as She Stopped
    by me in Her Car While i was Walking
    Around the Block Yes i told her i Was

    Sweating
    off any
    Potential
    Tylenol Residue
    from Birth since then
    i’ve Stuck to Advil and my

    Mother No Tylenol at All in
    Fact She Only took a Bayer Aspirin
    With Stage Four Cancer Including

    (She Pulled Her Boot
    Straps up the Entire way)

    Bone Cancer for

    Two Years

    Plus She Had
    A College Education
    And Could Pronounce
    Names of Drugs and even spell them

    And Nope She Never did any Heroin or ate Road Kill

    And It’s True She Wasn’t Predicted in a ‘Revelation’ Either hehe

    Just falling

    falling

    falling

    into an
    endless
    Pit to end
    This (that) Cray
    Cray Non-Sense Poem hehe…

    Other than that i’d Trust a
    Squirrel for Medical advice
    More than WTF Cray Cray ‘Stuff’ indeed…

    Can We All Wake Up From the ‘Twilight Zone’ Now Pleeeeze..:)

    ~R.S.

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