I usually love the month of May. It’s my month. It’s my birthday month. Flowers blossom and birds chirp. The air has a twinkle. There’s an extra step in my pep. Or extra pep in my step. However, this is the pandemic era. Birthdays take an extra meaning and become an added reminder of how messed up the world is at the moment. Not that we need any reminders. I think we know. We all know.

Many moons ago, right before I was born, my mom went to a fortune teller. My mother wanted to know what the world had in store for her baby. She didn’t know whether she would have a boy or a girl. I too decided to not know beforehand. When my mother sat across the fortune teller she was ready to receive whatever information that was to be dispensed.

The fortune read was as follows: she was going to have a girl, a very smart one who would be quite successful and creative but have problems with her throat. And, here’s the kicker she would be rebellious. If course, all this sounds quite generic and reasonable. Which little girl isn’t rebellious? Upon hearing said fortune my mom prepared and did. She enrolled me in storytelling contests. She took me to the library every week. She allowed me to rebel. It was, after all, meant to be.

I grew up independent, curious, and a learner. Everything comes full circle.

Fast forward to this weekend. Out of nowhere I got an urge to seek a fortune teller. I wanted to know what was next and what to do. I wanted some guidance. It was quite a lovely day in New York City. The sun was fully out and there was a sense of freedom percolating in the air. I masked up as I do everyday and went looking for a fortune teller. Alas, none was to be found.

I decided to look online as that is where everything resides at the moment. There were many horoscopes out there. But they were all in conflict with one another. For example, one exhorted “You need to put all your fears and hesitations behind you on a day like today. Besides, a little madness every now and then won’t hurt. Throw caution to the wind!” While another noted “Today, the cautious, humble side of you is telling you to stop for a moment to review the situation. Listen to this little voice, and don’t get caught up in the moment.”

At the end of the day, I suppose I will have to carefully throw caution to the wind.