This past week has been difficult for many out there. The world has been heavy as have the hearts and eyes. Both of which have been brimming with mega-salty tears. I had many heartaches to try to soothe. So much so that I have not had my own time to reflect and process.
Yet, I must confess, I don’t care to reflect. I don’t care to process. Despite all the pain, challenges, and barriers I have been faced with in life, I have maintained a sunny optimism. Admittedly, that sunny optimism comes with a side of curmudgeon and snark. Hey, I am a New Yorker after all. But my sunny disposition comes from the fact that I laugh a lot. Some might call that inappropriate affect, I call it a coping strategy. I block out, as best I can, negativity.
This past week, actually last two weeks, I watched no news coverage. I limited my social media. I even turned off my phone. This was all my version of life in the gutter. I know that sounds like a completely strange, inappropriate description. Let me now back into it.
See, I go bowling with my son. He loves bowling. Me? Not so much. I am nit a big fan because I am horrible at it. Just horrible. Yet when he gets a strike or a spare, there is pandemonium on all our parts. His happiness is my happiness. I love such simplicity. He pities me, which I do not need. I am happy not succeeding at bowling. Apparently, my son tells everyone that everwhere I go, I am the big boss. Lately, that has been true. I love that he knows nothing different for a woman or mother. And I am ok, with him seeing me roll gutterball after gutterball. I don’t need to be great at everything. And it is ok for him to see and understand that.
That my friends is my life in the gutter.
But let me expand just a bit more on this premise. In terms of this past week, I shut everything off. I allowed myself zero interaction with that which would cause me anxiety or to ruminate. And I was happy as a result. This has been my odd version of throwing gutterballs.
I will emerge from this. Right now I just need some peace. I am good with zeros and gutters as a result.