gender

This charming girl…Yup, that’s me!

This charming girl

This past week, I met with a fairly high up official in my field. It was our first official meeting where I was laying out the groundwork for a long-term mutually beneficial collaboration.  We, of course, started the meeting by talking about our backgrounds, where we currently live and our commutes. We slowly dived into work and describing various colleagues. At one point I noted a certain person was a bit rough around the edges. At which point, he asked for clarification “you mean you?”. I noted in turn, “I am charming if you have not already figured that out.”   We laughed. I laughed more. Yes, I am quite charming.

I recently read a quote on a fellow blogger’s page that noted “I’m convinced that it’s energy and humor. The two of them combined equal charm.” – Judith Krantz 

Energy and humor are quintessential aspects of my being. Thus, even when I am reprimanding someone, I do it with great charm. My charm has gotten me far in life for it disarms other people getting them to feel comfortable around me. have you ever watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My charm in very stressful situations is a bit like when Buffy chatters with the vamps before she stakes them. I earn a reputation as a charmer over a period of time.  My humor bites but I do it sweetly (well, to a certain extent of time).

There is a wiki page on how to be charming that advises people to be genuinely interested in others, learn people’s names and assume rapport.  I do not agree with these three points. First off, I don’t remember people’s names. I just don’t anymore. I don’t even try. There is research that notes that many smart people don’t bother to learn other people’s names as we put an emphasis on learning other things. There is where I truly do think showing a genuine interest in others comes in handy. I will remember people’s birthday’s, favorite, television show or color, or a wacky family life. It is those things that tell you more about a person, way more than their names. Think about it as well. What impresses you more: someone remembering your name or someone remembering that you love artichokes with a balsamic vinaigrette?

See charm isn’t just about being nice and getting a name right it is about somehow going the extra effort. Someone who is charming is sweet yet aggressive. To lead a charmed life is quite an intriguing concept.

                     It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.

Oscar Wilde

5 replies »

  1. So much agree: charm is an “instrument” of communication. Formerly I thought that not remembering peoples names – often happens to me even with people I find attractive – is an insult and blamed myself for it. But even in such cases I do remember important things that tell more than names: the look of their eyes, the energy that speaks through their facial expressions, even “masks”, when they play social roles.
    To be charming is also a way of telling the other: “everything can become good and nice, if we give our best and emphasize what’s positive (although both of us know that the world is full of dragons).”

    Charm is smiling into the face of the tiger and letting the other one forget that you too are a tiger.

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  2. I agree about remembering something personal about people. I find it easier than remembering names. In general I am genuinely interested in people. When I think it is necessary I would make an effort to remember somebody’s name. If I don’t I would rather say that I am sorry, but I don’t remember your name. I don’t like it at all when somebody addresses me incorrectly or is not sincere. That person to me is not charming at all.

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