My Snarky Resolutions for the Coming Year: I vow to not believe the hype or false praise

Many of us make grand, aspirational resolutions for the new year. We aim to find a new purpose, road and ideal. We vow to lose weight or stop eating too many lemonheads. We aim to improve our situations in one way or another. Nice. Very nice. However, there are also other types of resolutions that should be part of our new improved selves. Those resolutions are the “snarky” ones. Although, calling them snarky gives them a bad connotation. These are the real resolutions that address daily life and workplace frustrations. I share these with you all in the hopes that you too take on these resolutions with the goal of a better workplace environment for your mind and spirit.

1. I vow to not answer emails that state “it goes without saying…” Whenever someone writes that “it goes without saying” they are being passive aggressive and think very highly of themselves. As it goes without saying then I need not answer it.

2. I vow to pay no mind to those that come late to the conversation. There is nothing more frustrating in the workplace than when have you been part of a planning process that took a lot of time and effort and then at the last minute someone joins the process and believes their opinion is the “gold standard.” Meaning, they believe their opinion must be weighed heavily causing total disruption to the process that has already occurred. It’s disrespectful and annoying. I will no longer pay attention to those self-important process disrupters.

3. I vow to keep the clown at arm’s length.   Ok. Clowns are scary. We all know that. Inevitably there is an individual that comes to a meeting and they become the clown in a very scary way. There are those that physically resemble a clown with caked on makeup. Their mere presence is disruptive and they tend to be creepy. Have you ever seen the television show “The Drew Carey show”. There is sadly a character named Mimi (sigh) that is the epitome of what I describe herein.

4. I vow to not believe the hype or false praise.  I learned the hard way that those that are effusive in their praise of you are liars. No one can be such a strong cheerleader without really being full of hot air. They will eventually turn on you and try to take you down.

5. I vow to not interject in the middle of an email chain. You have been there. Someone sends one email that copies a twenty other people. They all start weighing in or sending random emails in response to the email chain. Quickly, like a rapidly infectious virus, one email turns into 50. Don’t bother weighing in during such an exchange. Take a breath and ride it out.

6. I vow to not pity the fool.  There is always that workplace individual that you pity for they seem a bit “slow” but nice. Even though their mistakes cause you extra headaches you pity them. Note, however, first off that pity is a bad emotion. It’s just not good to pity anyone. Second, that person’s incompetencies will eventually really become a burden to you. Third, at times, you will come to find they aren’t really that nice.
7. I vow to use selective listening. There are some people that repeat themselves repeatedly. After the second time they make the same statement in less than two minutes, tune them out! Go to your mental happy place or go over your to-do list. Check back in ten minutes later.

Two months from now I will be exclaiming “and all is right with the world”