Somewhere between Instagram’s new polish button and the Kardashians walking into a bar pretending to sip a pint like they’ve done it every Tuesday since 1997, humanity has entered its most absurd era: the Age of Curated Imperfection. Yes, apparently imperfection is now “in.” The smudged eyeliner, the […]
There. I said it.Schadenfreude. That scrumptious German word that sounds like someone dropped a box of consonants on the floor yet somehow managed to describe one of the most universal emotions on earth: the joy of watching the bad guy step on the Lego they left out themselves. […]
Curt Cignetti walked into the losingest program in college football history. Yes, Indiana University. And he did not whisper. He did not hedge.He did not offer a five-year plan laminated with hope. He said two words that are equal parts audacity and résumé:“Google me.” And then, because the […]
Let’s get something straight. Horses can smell your fear. I mean, we always knew they could feel our vibes. They’re majestic, overall. They are giant prey animals who have survived millennia by sensing danger. But now scientists have given the phenomenon a fancy name and data to back […]
There is something strangely philosophical about waking up at 6 a.m.on a long weekend, brewing coffee that tastes faintly of regret, and deciding, Yes, today is the day I watch a Matt Damon–Ben Affleck movie before sunrise. This is not self-care.This is survival.This is what adulthood has reduced […]
There comes a point every January when society collectively asks: “So… you still have your tree up?” It’s the same tone people use when asking if you’re still binge-watching a show from 2014 or still eating leftover holiday cookies. A blend of curiosity, judgement, and a dash of […]
January has always felt like a strange month. It’s long, gray, and stretched thin like an old rubber band about to snap. People talk about “new beginnings,” resolutions, fresh starts. But for some of us, January is not a clean slate. It’s a ledger of losses. I’ve lost […]
It’s a brand-new year, which means two things: 1. I’m still writing “2025” on every form, and2. I’m staring at my bank statements like a detective in a true-crime documentary, trying to figure out who subscribed me to all these services. Spoiler alert: it was me. Past Me. […]
You know it’s going to be one of those years when even the wildlife seems to have a group chat where they coordinate their plans to move into your property. I swear the animals have discovered Zillow, and I’m 90% sure they’ve been passing around my address with […]
There comes a moment in adulthood, usually halfway through eating leftovers you don’t remember cooking, when you realize time is moving faster than Amazon Prime shipping. Whole weeks slip by like receipts you swear were “just on the counter.” Blink twice and it’s Monday again. Blink three times […]
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