Last week I did not have coffee for four days in a row. It was devastating to my state of mind. However, that is not the break up I am about to write about. I renewed my relationship with coffee and I am quite satisfied with it. I had two cups before 7:30am today. I am wide awake and ready to tackle my ever-continuing to-do list.
Last week I had a major break up and I feel freer than ever. People say that my laugh is lighter and I have a bounce in my step. I go around the office just laughing with everyone and shooting the breeze with whoever is around. Although, I have always done that since it was better than crying. The literal weight on my shoulder has been lifted and I put my muscle relaxant medicine away. You cannot tell me that stress does not manifest in odd aches and pains. Note that there is debate in psychological literature between stress and certain psychological states of mind. Whatever! I know what I feel.
I googled the phrase “break up” this morning and this wonderful image came up that I must share with you all for it perfectly captured why I initiated my break up.
Many times individuals have a certain view of you as a person and how it should be that you relate to them. Or rather, they have a view of your role in their lives that is all about how you make them look or prop them up. Their view is not about you specifically. They create myths and stories about the nature of your relationship that they come to wholeheartedly believe. Yet, you cannot stand for that for too long for you are your own person.
Yes, I am me: laughter, tears, warts and all. And you never saw me in a yellow t-shirt now will you ever. Yellow actually makes my skin look like it has gangrene. However, that is besides the point.
I am going on to be my own person. I am no longer going to be referred to as the woman behind the man. How condescending is that? And note, that is often been said to me as a compliment. Whatever! I am moving on and leading my own show.
That is what a break up feels like when you initiate it for the right purposes and can set your own course thereafter. Don’t listen to those movies out there that make break ups seem like your life is all over or that you will fall down on your knees and collapse into your own pool of tears. I, for one, am taking my 100 pairs of shoes and my “What would Machiavelli Do?” book and walking out the door with my head up high. I came with a purpose. I did my best and leave having given it my all. And, most importantly, I leave with a purpose.