Answer me this Grasshopper: why is there poop in the hallway?

 

The Cure’s worse song in my opinion is “Friday, I’m in love”. How did they go from all-angst to an exuberant ode to love?  Anyway, I digress (as I’m wont to do).  It is Wednesday and it’s a day for wackiness. I’ve been remiss the last few weeks in putting out my wacky news post. I have been a bit busy and running from behind.   I have been trying to get rid of some of my own personal wackiness and that takes effort.  Here is my take on some of the past few weeks’ wackiness as I get ready to board my flight to Melbourne.

 

Misplaced anger.   A man was arrested for stabbing a watermelon. That’s all I have to say. Well, be mindful of your fruits and vegetables he was able to make bail.

 

Beauty in the eye of the beholder.   Sure, we all know what people say about art. Some people get it; others don’t.  In London, an artist’s messy bed sold for $4.4 million at auction. If only I had gotten that memo messy beds were trendy, original and highly valued. I have two beds in a perpetual state of messiness. Can’t think of the last time I made a bed.  Do I hear 8 million?

 

Patience, Grasshopper.   Have you ever seen the television show Kung Fu? I have not. My mom did and she would always have some quote about a grasshopper.  Patience this, patience that.   Well, Texans must be wondering how far their patience will take them considering that the drought they have experienced has brought on massive number of grasshoppers.

 

Don’t be such a baby.   A gun-toting robber emptied a cash register at a hotel near Atlanta. Ok. That alone is frightening to me considering all the business travel I do down there.   The robber got upset that the safe could not be opened by the lonely clerk. He ran off crying. Hmpf.  Not such a tough guy after all. Probably went running home all the way to mama.

 

Pot frittes, anyone?  A woman eating at a McDonalds in New York got a little kick with her French fries.  In consuming her fries she find a baggie –yes, a bag of pot.  I had heard McDonald’s old business model was beginning to get a bit stale and they were looking to kick it up a notch. But New York is not Colorado.  The Pot frittes would probably work better there, just saying.

 

Blood-sucking parasites aren’t just for the workplace anymore.  Scientists recently discovered the parasite Qiyia Jurassica in Mongolia. It would hitch a ride onto salamanders and extend a large blood-sucking plate from its body. There is nothing comparable to it today. It looks quite creepy; reminding me of the movie Alien.  Hmm. Qiyia Jurassica. I believe I have a new nickname for a few people.

 

Not in our neighborhood.   You often hear that phrasewhen people are talking about where to place low-income housing,  undocumented children,  or mental health facilities.  In the town of Cheshire, Connecticut lived a lonely woman who was a hoarder. She died when the floor collapsed from all the hoarding weight.  It took rescuers two days to reach her body. Sad, sad situation overall. The weird part is this following quote:

“It’s a wealthy town. Everyone takes care of everything. We all look out for each other. You just couldn’t believe this would happen here,” Ryan Edwards told Fox CT.

Seriously?  It’s a wealthy town so it is inconceivable that someone would hoard or have a mental health condition?

 

A new type of designer trend.  A new study came out in which it was noted that one in five women want a designer vagina.  There was also a woman that spent $30,000 to look like Kim Kardashian.  I’m quite perplexed by this all.  Can oen put a city ordinance banning Kim Kardashian lookalikes?

 

It’s all in the droppings.  Want to know about penguin movements and migrations. It’s all in their kiss. No, wrong story. It’s all in their poop stains  For those of you that have to deal with a lot of crap at work-here is a possible career change. Think about it.

 

Is that poop underneath your shoe?  The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) seems to have an issue with its hiring process.  Apparently, there is now a need (I would argue) to do a very screening process.  At the hallowed halls of the EPA someone has been smearing feces and the bathroom stalls are not quite right either.

 

I leave you with this question to ponder: Do you hear the grasshopper that is at your feet?

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