Where are we this week? Here in the United States we just had the President’s State of the Union address that always, year after year, proclaims that the union is strong. The Super Bowl is about to be played in the New York/New Jersey area sending everyone (not really) into a tizzy and heightening the New York/ New Jersey rivalry. Oddly, maybe, Groundhog Day and the SuperBowl are occurring on the same time for the first time ever. What that means omen-wise, I have no clue. An ape in Utah has predicted that the Seattle Seahawks will win; meanwhile a Florida manatee predicted that the Broncos will win. Here are some other tizzy inducing, wacky moments from the past week paired up with Super Bowl Predictions.
The Pope’s Blood. Some individual decided to stole Pope John Paul’s vial of blood. Whatever will they do with the vial? Could they be using it to figure out who will win the Super Bowl? Angelina Jolie may be looking for a new vial to place on her next for the upcoming Oscars.
Skinny Puppy. A somewhat obscure “industrial” (mislabeled as metal) band is getting big headlines due to the invoice it sent to the US government. See, supposedly the government used Skinny Puppy’s music to torture prisoners over at Guantanamo Bay. Hmm, did the government use Itunes or Napster from way back when? But back to puppies, on animal planet show, puppies predicted that the Broncos would win the superbowl.
Puerto Rico Funerals. Christopher Rivera Amaro, a 23 year-old up and rising boxer, was shot dead in the city of Santurce, Puerto Rico. His family wanted to honor the life he had lived till that point and have people remember that he was a boxer. What did the funeral home do? They posed him in a boxer’s ring. The act was oddly sweet yet simultaneously creepy. Speaking of grizzly fighters, Ozzy, a Montana grizzly bear predicted that the Broncos would win.
Non-Beliebers. Justin Bieber has had a few interesting arrest-filled weeks where Xanax and a few other things have been found in his system. Upon leaving the police station in Florida, he was met with tons of supporters; so-called Beliebers. Now, there are those that do not care so much for him and have asked the US Government to deport him back to Canada. Whatever would we do without his pop songs to motivate us through the day? Speaking of formerly innocent Justin Bieber, Teddy Bear the porcupine, predicted that the Seattle Seahawks would win the Super Bowl.
Angry wife. Rose Mary Vogel, a 65-year-old woman, seems to have had enough of her husband. While her husband was recovering from heart surgery, Rose snuck feces into his IV drip. She was caught but no one has a motive as to why she would want to kill her husband of 30 years. No word yet either on who she predicts will win the Super Bowl.
Farting Cows. A barn in Germany exploded when 90 cows in said barn spent a lovely day farting and belching causing an accumulation of methane gas. I foresee a South Park episode in the near future. Speaking of farm animals, a Texas pig predicted that the Seattle Seahawks would win the Super Bowl?
Angry Birds. The Vatican released two peace doves as a goodwill gesture. Sadly, upon release into the air, two doves were attacked by a yellow-legged gull and a hooded crow. Animal Kingdom never looked so creepy and vicious. Speaking of flying animals, Murphy and Diablo, both Komodo dragons, have predicted that the Denver Broncos will win the Super Bowl.
Bizarre Triangles. Google images revealed a weird triangle on the moon’s surface. The world has been buzzing about since the reveal. Apparently some think that the triangle was “intelligently designed” Let the conspiracy theories begin.
Angry New York Politician. New York 1 Reporter did what he normally does. He interviewed a politician about the President’s State of the Union. He then asked the politician to comment on the investigation surrounding his campaign financing. The politician walked away in a huff. He returned and threatened to throw the reporter over the balcony. Congressman Michael Grimm threatened to break the reporter in half. Now that is thug politics. Sure hope that he has not placed a wager on the Super Bowl. By the way, Chris Christie apparently picked the Denver Broncos to win.
As this column comes to a close, which team do you think will win the Super Bowl? Who do you believe the Ape or the Manatee? Let the games begin.