October 27 is the 300th day of the year and there are now less than 65 days left to the year. That seems rather ominous. Back in 1929, October 28 now labeled Black Monday, was a dark day in the Wall Street Crash of 1929. The last week of October is also a testosterone-filled one. It is that time of the year where all four major US sports are actually played: baseball, basketball, football and hockey. Must have been a very busy time at the betting halls throughout the country. Roid rage was all the rage. Verbal communications became all about signs and steals. From the week I have had, office communications became convoluted and misunderstood.
1. George Zimmerman. Shellie Zimmerman, the soon-to-be ex-wife of George Zimmerman says he nailed a bullet-filled target to the wall of her home as a “subliminal message.” Hmm. First off, that is not a subliminal message. Second, Wow. How many chances does this guy intend to burn through?
2. Kanye West. Again. This man is the king of wacky, wishful thinking. This week Kanye noted that Kim Kardashian was more influential than Michelle Obama. You know what? It sounds a bit wacky and arrogant, but he may be right. Have you seen the number of Kim Kardashian followers? Look at the number of sex tapes that have come out after Kim’s went onto the market. She is truly a trendsetter. She should appear in Malcolm Gladwell’s sequel to the Tipping Point, should he ever write one.
3. Antonio Brown. It seems week after week there is a creepy clown story. This week is no exception. Mr. Antonio Brown of Wisconsin apparently dressed up as a clown and dangled his girlfriend’s child from an overpass. This dangling occurred after he made his girlfriend’s children drink alcohol.
4. Tackiness run amok. Speaking of sex tapes. Tori Spelling, spoiled sad little rich girl herself, admitted that she has a sex tape. Yawn. Next. Teenagers this past week started getting noticed for yet another selfish act: that of taking pictures of themselves (selfies) at funerals. I wonder if their souls get marked for such an act. Ah, teenagers. Next. So, LivingSocial threw a Halloween party. The party was all about highlighting the seven sins. Guess what the greed room had in it. The greed room had gold and silver decorations as well as dreidels. In case you are not familiar with dreidels they are spinning tops that are often used during Chanukah. Oops. LivingSocial appears to be living stereotypes. Speaking of parties. Did you hear about the party that Julianne Hough attended while in Blackface costume. Not much more needs to be said on that. Who doesn’t know you don’t do blackface in the 21st century?
5. An Elderly Australian couple: This elderly couple won a free, all-expenses trip to Canada from Australia. The free trip even included luggage leading to the couple inadvertently becoming drug mules. Note to all: not much in life is free.
6. Dumb or Uninformed Americans. Another Wisconsin man, Dylan Grall, allegedly beat up two Hebrew-speaking men he believed were speaking Spanish. They were not. Oops. Ms. Dianne Barrette, a 56-year-old woman has been making the television news rounds. Her claim to fame: she claims that Obamacare was forcing her to drop her current insurance plan and face huge cost increases. Eventually she was interviewed by Greta Van Susteran on Fox News and Ms. Susteran actually poked a million holes in Ms. Barrette’s claims. It seems that Ms. Barrette actually had no insights into Obamacare because she hadn’t bothered looking into the system.
7. The Heilongjiang Morning Post. This story gets a little meta so bear with me. The Chinese newspaper reported on a story about a woman who accidentally arranged a sex date with her father-in-law. The story was pretty salacious. Then the newspaper reported that they made it all up. Surely, there are enough weird stories out there that they would not have to make something like this up.
8. Sriracha. The town of Irwindale, California is a bit miffed about the smell one of their local factories produces. Have you ever tried Sriracha sauce? More than likely you have if you like hot Asian spices. That sauce production has gone into overdrive and the townspeople of Irwindale are walking around with burning eyes and throats. The townspeople are suing asking for a less-smelly production plan. Come on, can’t they take one for the team?
9. Spice importers. According to a new FDA study, there are a ton of bug parts and rat hair in our imported spices. Specifically, 12% of U.S. spice imports are contaminated. Can we just say yuck!
10. Peru. Peru’s government is reactivating its UFO agency after a string of reported sightings by the mass public. Cool beans. If UFO land, Peru will be able to extend a warm welcome on behalf of us earthlings. I am looking forward to visiting such an agency sometime. Ya me voy.
Honorable mention for being honorable: Darnell Barton a metro bus driver noticed that a lady standing on the narrow ledge outside the railing over the Scajaquada Expressway was looking distraught. He stopped his full bus and went over to the woman and got her to come off that ledge.