We are fully in autumn now. The leaves are falling and with it perhaps the national IQ as well, along with the collective sense of dignity. Bill Maher put out a new rule last week about the state of American attire in the public sphere. We are a disheveled mess in the supermarket aisles and apparently we need to put on some pants when we go out shopping. But can you fault the American public’s lack of respectable clothing when wages are stagnant, unemployment is still high and apparently, according to our politicians we are at the end of times. Here are the pucks for this week’s wacky people and events.
1. Scot Haney. Do you sometimes watch the local news and wonder what the local weatherman does all day? I was just thinking about thus the other when I learned of Mr. Haney’s penchant for eating food off the floor. While live on the air, Mr. Haney picked up some apparently yummy-looking (only to him) morsels off the floor. Turns out the morsels were cat vomit pellets. Can we say not-so-tasty cat nip?
2. Isaac Newton, Suzanne Somers and Miley Cyrus. A triple whammy when it comes to sex revelations that make you go hmm and wish certain people would just go away. Isaac Newtown was a genius and even possibly an idiot savant. According to recent historian accounts, Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin. He had math game but apparently no other game. If only he were around nowadays when geeks have taken over the world. Meanwhile, Suzanne Somers, Ms. Thigh-master herself, claimed on morning television that she has says with her 76 year-old husband several times a day starting at 4am. Talk about a morning cup of Joe. Such a revelation must have left ubiquitous Miley Cyrus aghast as she proclaimed on the Today show that those over 40 do not have sex. Why do we care again what she has to say?
3. Anthony Weiner. He could have been a contender. He could have been New York City Mayor. Alas, tweeting was his downfall. He showed up this week as a guest on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show. Mr. Hannity tried to get Weiner to talk about his sex tweets, but Weiner wasn’t having it-for once. Kudos to Weiner for not over divulging and keeping his mouth shut. A lesson learned a bit too late?
4. Congress. Yup we are in the second week of the government shutdown. But it does not mean that our Congressional representatives will go without being able to buff up their bodies. The American public may not be labeled as essential but the congressional gym sure is. Hey, congress- we have some tasty morsel bits for you all. Of course, we also have our favorite wacky congresswoman’s, Michelle Bachman, take on the shutdown. Apparently we are in the end of times, as according to Bachman, Obama is funding the terrorists during this shutdown.
5. Local judges and politicians. Oh, New Jersey what is going on in your state? Apparently, in a New Jersey town, panhandlers now have to register and get a permit. Say What? And, if they do not, panhandlers can be assessed a 1,000 fine. Don’t know about you, but there is something a little off about this plan. Meanwhile, in the southern district court of New York, it has been ruled that if you are an unpaid intern you cannot claim to be a victim of sexual harassment. Ms. Wang was not allowed to bring sexual harassment lawsuit under New York human rights laws because she was not paid, and therefore not considered an employee. That is a very good thing to know. Lastly, in Ohio a man that was declared dead, although he was not, was told to stay dead by a judge ruling that his former wife was still entitled to his social security payments. Let that be a lesson to all that try to run away from their familial obligations and then try to reap its rewards – You are dead to all as far as the law is concerned.
6. Thug rabbis for hire and avenging Seventh-Day Adventists. Some supposedly acting on behalf of religious institutions have run amok this past week. Yes, in New York where everything is on sale, you can get yourself a few rabbis to beat up a non-cooperative husband you are trying to divorce. Could this be the storyboard for a new gritty television show by Dick Wolf or perhaps the answer to our other problems at large? Meanwhile, in France four individuals are accused of carrying out a week-long crucifixion of a young woman by the name of Antoinette in order to expel her demons. These four individuals were her boyfriend and family members. Good to know she has her family on her side.
7. Science on the cutting edge. Apparently we are on the verge of creating Super Senses. For example, a rockclimber was able see with his tongue. On the other end, a man in China developed mucosal melanoma. He developed a rare cancer of the upper gums and had to have not only his gums removed but also parts of the upper jaw
8. Oetzi The Iceman. The iceman is making a comeback. Oh yeah! So, some Austrian scientists have found that 19 Tyrolean men alive today are related to Oetzi the Iceman, whose 5,300-year-old frozen body was found in the Alps a few years back. I don’t know what will come of this, but it seems exciting.
9. Boy with attached fetus. A few years back I had a teratoma cyst removed from my ovary. It had teeth and yolk in it. It was a living organism. That kind of creeped me out. Just this past week, doctors in China removed a fetus with a developed spine, fingers and toes from the stomach of a 2-year-old boy. Yikes.
10. Sex-crazed tarantulas. In Sonoma County, California the male tarantulas are coming out in droves looking for some love. And they have to be a little careful, because if a male tarantula tried to get some loving when the female is hungry, she’ is very likely to eat him up literally.